Vacation’s End

June 2nd, 2016 → 6:24 am

“Where is the life that late I led?” – Henry IV, Part II

Just returned from a vacation to Alaska (see Mendenhall Glacier pic below).  My son was up all morning yesterday asking when we would be going back.  I think that means it was a success for all!  That, or my son just doesn’t want to go to summer camp.  😉

2016-05-27 10.16.35

Filed under: Blog & Self/My Life

That Morning Moment

May 12th, 2016 → 5:57 am

“Momentary as a sound,
Swift as a shadow, short as any dream,
Brief as the lightning in the collied night,
That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth.”  – A Midsummer Night’s Dream

(Note:  “collied” means “dark,” and “in a spleen” means “in a flash”)

People have different views of motherhood.  Some say it is the best thing they ever did (my own mother used to say that), some say it is the hardest; I’ve seen studies that show that parents are less happy than people without children, and other studies that find that they are more fulfilled.  I think you simply can’t know until you are in the middle of it.  And I also think that the experience will be different for each person, as childhood is.  For me, motherhood has been a joy, though I will admit that it is more work than not.  The majority of my time spent in relation to my child is spent cleaning, reprimanding, organizing, trying to figure out what the hell is going on or what just happened.  There are times, in the midst of the chaos, when I wonder what I am doing.  But every morning when my son wakes up, the very first thing he does (before even going to the bathroom) is to find me and give me a very long, very extended hug.  Sometimes this morning hug lasts for a few minutes even!  And in the still quietness of the house, with my husband asleep in the bedroom and nothing making a sound but my son’s beating heart against my own, I think, this one moment makes it all worth it.  Literally.  It may seem odd that 60 seconds of pure joy are worth what is often 5 hours of thankless frustration later in the day, but I can’t explain it, it is.  When I hug my son in that brief morning moment, and he’s just all relaxed and warm and draped over me, the comfort is exquisite.  It is like we are one.

Filed under: Blog & Self/My Life

Secrets We Keep

April 21st, 2016 → 5:20 am

“What I am, and what I would, are as secret as maidenhead.” – Twelfth Night

I’ve had a history of health problems since, well, since before I was born (while in the womb, I broke two ribs).  Last night I had an episode where I fell to the ground and for a good minute, was completely unable to get up.  My son was with me at the time and confusedly asked, “Mommy, why are you acting like you are dead?”  It was enough for me to pull myself together, stop up the tears that were threatening, and comfort him.  My son knows little about my health problems and I’ve generally tried to keep it that way – walking and physically playing with him whenever he asks, even when it is ridiculously painful.  And last night I tried to comfort him without telling him much.  I didn’t want to scare him.  Like any parent, I wanted to shield and protect my son.

But it made me wonder, why do it?  What should we tell our children and what shouldn’t we?  When should we reveal our secrets?  My son knows that both my parents died young and he is currently in a phase where he’s been asking me about their deaths on a nearly daily basis.  “Tell me again the story of how your dad died.”  “What was it called the sickness your mom had?”

My mother died of cancer at fifty.  I have her small, thin body and often I fear I will develop her disease.  While I hope I will not die young, I also hold no illusions that there is any reason I may not.  Sometimes I wonder why I continue this blog.  It was originally meant to promote my book The Other Shakespeare, and that came out a year ago, so why keep going?  The answer:  for my son.  So that if I do die before he becomes an adult, he will have a record somewhere of my random thoughts – so that he can go back to it (should he want), and piece together pieces of me whenever he needs to feel the weight of my presence.  If my mother had had a blog, I know I would still be reading it today, and reaching for it in times of emotional vulnerability, like when my son asks me, “Mommy, why are you acting like you are dead?”

Filed under: Blog & Self/My Life

Husbands and Wives

April 16th, 2016 → 4:51 am

“Am I your self
But, as it were, in sort of limitation,
To keep with you at meals, comfort your bed,
And talk to you sometimes?  Dwell I but in the suburbs
Of your good pleasure?  If it be no more,
Portia is Brutus’ harlot, not his wife.”  – Julius Caesar

Marriage.  Like a sine wave.  Except, not that it can be good and bad.  But that it can be exciting, and then boring.  Comforting, and yet alienating.  Always, I guess, an adventure.

Filed under: Blog & Self/My Life


March 21st, 2016 → 5:44 am

“Appetite, an universal wolf.” – Troilus & Cressida

Just got back from a short trip to Cincinnati.  I way overate.  Darn hunger when you travel, and there’s no healthy food options available!

Filed under: Blog & Self/My Life

Day After Snow Day

February 25th, 2016 → 6:16 am

“We are but warriors for the working day;
Our gayness and our gilt are all besmirched
With rainy marching in the painful field.”  – Henry V

It was a snow day here in St. Louis yesterday, and the whole family stayed inside playing games and watching movies.  Now, alas, it is back to work…through wet, sluggish fields.

Filed under: Blog & Other & Self/My Life


February 10th, 2016 → 5:09 am

“The air bites shrewdly, it is very cold.” – Hamlet

I get much of my inspiration regarding what to blog about from reading the newspaper and keeping up with current events.  But these days, all you can read about are the U.S. presidential primaries!  It’s as if the entire rest of the world has disappeared!  So I have no real inspiration for what to blog about this morning.  I’ll instead focus on the cold winter weather.  It snowed yesterday and my poor son woke up insisting that it meant he could stay home from school.  I had to explain to him that just because there was new snow on the ground, that didn’t automatically mean there was no school.  I’m not sure he ever really got over the disappointment of having to get up out of his warm bed and face the day…

Filed under: Blog & Other & Politics/Politicians & Self/My Life


October 25th, 2015 → 5:54 am

“You can never bring in a wall.” – A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Though you can beat your head against one.  Lesson of the day.

Filed under: Blog & Self/My Life


September 14th, 2015 → 6:05 am

“There’s a divinity that shapes our ends,
Rough-hew them how we will.”  – Hamlet

Is there though?  It’s Rosh Hashanah/Yom Kippur and that time of year when even relatively secular Jews like myself celebrate things.  And of course, I am introducing my son to it all as well – he was quite cute wishing everyone a happy new year after Sunday school this week.  But why do I do it if I don’t even know if I believe?  For the honey and apples?  😉

Filed under: Blog & Other & Self/My Life

Julius Caesar

September 9th, 2015 → 5:12 am

I’ll be leading an online discussion of Julius Caesar in about a week – feel free to join the conversation if you can: In the meantime, a favorite quote from the play:

“Et tu, Brute?” – Julius Caesar

This quote runs through my mind rather more often than it probably should, as I am, and always have been, innately distrustful of people.

Filed under: Blog & Literature/Theatre/Art & Self/My Life